New Game, New Rules?

While I started this blog to talk about job inequity in the workplace, let's talk about the job stereotype. Let's say my job is "X", but my interests (and skills) go way beyond the self-limiting spectrum of Job X. Let's say I'm executive management material - a real strategic thinker, with lots of expertise and skills to offer at a strategic level. After all, I've got a MS in Leadership, I've worked 20+ years as a professional attorney, both in-house as well as private practice, I've taught business strategy at the graduate (MBA) level, so I consider myself well rounded, to say the least, and quite a bit more qualified than a lot of my colleagues.

But alas, my job is "X", and those jobs are "C". As in C-Suite. Chief cook and bottle washer, chief grand poo-bah, you name it. I wanna be chief of something! Please, Please, Please won't you give me a shot at being chief of something?

Now I consider myself a guy's girl - I don't walk, act, look, talk, like a lot of the women I know.  Don't wear makeup, and happier in jeans and cowboy boots than a skirt and heels, I hunt, fish, and ride horses, and was "top shot" in the women at my local trap shooting league this spring.  In other words, I like doing guy stuff more than girl stuff - I never had kids, I don't like shopping, I can't sit still for a manicure, I keep my hair long and straight because I couldn't be bothered by making a hair appointment every 6 weeks or so.... But now I am regretting the years I spent carving out my individualism - the years I spent demonstrating just how special I really was. I find myself astride two worlds, and not fitting in either one - I am not one of the girls, because I have absolutely nothing in common with most of them - no kids to talk about, no "crafts" to do together, no hair/nail/skin appointments, no shopping excursions - I'd much rather spend my weekends target shooting with my husband or riding the canyons behind my house than sitting inside spending money on stuff that has no lasting quality for me.  On the other hand, I am not one of the guys, either - I never learned how to play "ultimate frisbee", I never learned how to play  "beer pong" and I don't enjoy football. I'm not fond of pepperoni pizza, but I do love a good microbrew and shoot a mean game of pool. That should count for something, right? WRONG.

I've come to realize that what's most important is learning how to fit in, and even if you totally and utterly cannot relate to your boss (be they the opposite gender or of the younger crowd), the only way you'll get noticed is if you practice servant leadership - notwithstanding how much it pains you, ask what you can do to make THEM shine, even if you know they are blundering idiots who don't have a clue. You simply will not get ahead by being right all the time.  Sometimes you simply have to humble yourself to the ranks of a warm body that makes someone else feel special. If you're too smart, too witty, too much the center of attention, that is a sure-fire recipe for exclusion from path to advancement (unless, of course, you're a guy).

Ah, but here's the Hobson's choice - do I learn to "fit in" but lead a shadowed existence? Or should I gloriously bask in the sun of my own universe and forever be blocked from accessing the path to advancement? Dare I take the path less traveled, and risk being alone (too late, already been there, done that!)?    Do I even have to make that choice, or can I partake in servant leadership while also sticking to my values  (which, by the way, are honesty, integrity, and respect).  How can I be "honest" if I am keeping quiet when I know things should be otherwise?  How am I demonstrating Integrity if I know there's a better way and say nothing?  Am I being respectful if I allow others to continue down a path that I have seen others tread before with little success?

I submit there are others who have successfully basked in their own sunshine... and  they are blissfully happy with their individualism. I know I need to learn how to reconcile the inherent tension between how I think I should execute on my values, and how to keep my values intact while also engaging in servant leadership for success. I will choose to find a way that will honor both principles.